2010 did not start so well for me. I have been having an extremely hard time with a great deal of things over the past few months. I am not going to detail them for you. Let's just say the inner struggle I have been fighting to stay positive and focused has exhausted me both mentally and physically. I'm done.
Please don't feel bad for me and for heavens sake please don't call me asking if I'm okay. I'm fine.
However, as Steve and I were working to remodel the garage Sunday he asked me a question that made me think. I was telling him about my view of some things and just generally talking while we worked. All the sudden he said in a shocked kind of voice "Wow babe, where did all this hate come from?"
Hate ... I'm not a hateful person. Apparently my ability to control my strong emotions is not as honed as it once was. My restraint against negativity and my strong positive will are slowly crumbling under the weight of frustration and anger. I was being very short tempered and sharp tongued. I wasn't really being mean, but I wasn't being nice either.
We continued to work and talk.
As I mentioned it was a Sunday. Which is not one of my favorite days of the week and that didn't help matters much. I had sent Jake to church with Nana, and had chosen to stay home and work. Although Steve and I did make an appearance to see Jacob not give his talk in primary (Sunday school).
I'm not really sure at what exact moment I lost it, but it was obvious that my body was there but my sanity had left the building.
Steve and I had to make a stop at Lowes for something, garage stuff I think, and I was barely hanging on. Now I don't mean that I was weeping uncontrollably in the aisles of the mega home improvement store. I mean my focus was gone. I couldn't think straight. I was irritable and snippy for no reason. I almost ripped the head off of an extremely uneducated Lowes employee. Steve and I almost got into an argument over lawn treatment styles ... really, come on. I managed to maintain what little sanity I had left and we came to a compromise. Which meant that I was now going to be picking thousands of weeds with my bare hands, but at least we weren't going to end up with three eyed grand-babies because we used chemicals on the lawn where Jake plays.
So we left the store and in the parking lot we decided we needed to eat. Steve and I have learned over the years to make our decisions about where we are going before the vehicle moves. Otherwise we end up at home with nothing. Steve has a homing beacon that has a default setting for home. If he doesn't have a destination when the vehicle starts moving then his body automatically drives home. It is actually quite funny.
Anyway, as we sat in the parking lot Steve was silently thinking. I assumed it was just about where to eat. I would learn later that there was more to it. I of course continued rambling :
"What are you in the mood for? We could just go home and find left overs. Should we go get Jake and take him with? No, he needs to stay there. Should we get something and take it home for Jake and Nana? I don't want to hear about it if we don't bring something home. No ... they will be fine. Do you want to dine in or carry out? The house is a wreck I don't even have any clean dishes for us to eat on. Oh crap, I don't care, you decide."
Steve did not say a word through all of that. I never shut up long enough. After I was finished he finally spoke. "How about Subway?"
That actually sounded good. I felt good about that, there were no issues. I responded "Yeah, Subway that sounds great." And off we went.
We walked into the sub shop and I immediately felt calmer. I knew that no matter what I ordered off the menu I would like it. There was nothing to think about. Now at the time I still wasn't in full control of my emotions but things were getting better. We ordered our food and sat in the shop to eat.
As we ate we talked. Part way into the conversation Steve asked me "Do you feel better?"
"A little, why do you ask?" I replied.
This is when he explained to me what he had been thinking about in the truck just a little bit earlier. As we had been sitting there in the truck and I was rambling, he was remembering back to a time when I had acted like this before. It had been almost 6.5 years earlier when I was pregnant with Jacob. When I would get irrationally crazy and lose the ability to make decisions without feeling like I was losing my mind. Steve had actually taken the time to think about what he needed to do to correct the situation. How could he help me stop this crazy state that I couldn't seem to get myself out of and that seemed to be getting worse as the day went on. He said that as he thought it dawned on him, Subway. It had always worked before, maybe it would work now. Subway was always the answer. No matter what, Subway made me happy. For more then 3 months of my pregnancy Subway was the only thing I could eat that didn't make me nauseous. I fell in love with Subway. Well it worked. He said that almost immediately my demeanor changed and I began to show signs of calming.
Subway had once again cured the crazies.
Yes, I give credit to Subway for making one of my favorite foods and allowing me to have peace of mind when I walk in the store knowing I will be satisfied with anything I order. I know I don't have to think about anything, there are no bad decisions ... it is very freeing. Thank you Subway.
Most importantly though I need to give credit to my now almost perfect husband. I'm not sure that it is possible to love someone more then I love this man. Instead of feeding into the craziness with his own frustration in reaction to mine he remained calm. He thought before he spoke and he restrained his instincts to react in retaliation to my snippy sharp edged comments. He thought of me and how he could help. He was willing to do whatever it took to make me happy. Thank goodness it was as simple as a sandwich.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
The Bread Machine
I have always gazed in envious wonder at other peoples bread machines.
How do they work?
Does the bread taste good?
Do you really just put the ingredients in, push the buttons and at some later time bread comes out?
How amazing is that!!
After mentioning my secret desire to have a bread machine to a friend of mine she arrived at my door a week or so later with one just for me! She had found hers at a thriftstore and I had said that I would love to find one too. I am a very thrifty shopper and I have no problem using items from a second hand store.
So ... ta da! She had found me a perfectly wonderful clean working bread machine at a thriftstore for almost nothing. She is great and so is the machine.
Below is an image of the dough in the bread machine before baking. Sephie, the friend who gave me the machine uses hers mostly for making dough. She then shapes and bakes the dough herself in the oven. I have decided that I like that too. Although, I am going to try at least once to make a full loaf in the machine, just to see what happens.
It really is as simple as placing the ingredients into the machine and pressing a button. I set the machine to the dough setting and walk away. In about an hour and a half the beeper goes off and the dough is ready. Then I take it out of the machine, place it on a lightly floured surface and knead for about 30 seconds while shaping it into whatever shape I want. The below image is of the first hearth loaf I made with my new machine. The entire ball of dough is placed on a floured baking sheet, and given an egg wash before going into the oven.
This size of a loaf takes about 45 minutes to bake. It came out of the oven perfect! Notice the little spikes at the top of the loaf. That was because I cut an x shape in the dough before baking. It looks kinda like a volcano. HA. The next loaf I made I decided to cut three parallel slices in the top of the dough and it looked more like the style of bread you would get from a bakery. Much less like a volcano. The below image is of the volcano inspired hearth loaf.
The bread tasted great, smelled wonderful and looked beautiful. Aside from the wait time while the dough was in the machine and of course the 45 minute bake time, my physical involvement was only about 10 minutes. I was able to go do other things while the dough was being created. Then it was just a few minutes to get the dough into the oven. I went and did other things again while it was baking. This is so easy. I love it and so does the family.
Thanks Sephie!
How do they work?
Does the bread taste good?
Do you really just put the ingredients in, push the buttons and at some later time bread comes out?
How amazing is that!!
After mentioning my secret desire to have a bread machine to a friend of mine she arrived at my door a week or so later with one just for me! She had found hers at a thriftstore and I had said that I would love to find one too. I am a very thrifty shopper and I have no problem using items from a second hand store.
So ... ta da! She had found me a perfectly wonderful clean working bread machine at a thriftstore for almost nothing. She is great and so is the machine.
Below is an image of the dough in the bread machine before baking. Sephie, the friend who gave me the machine uses hers mostly for making dough. She then shapes and bakes the dough herself in the oven. I have decided that I like that too. Although, I am going to try at least once to make a full loaf in the machine, just to see what happens.
It really is as simple as placing the ingredients into the machine and pressing a button. I set the machine to the dough setting and walk away. In about an hour and a half the beeper goes off and the dough is ready. Then I take it out of the machine, place it on a lightly floured surface and knead for about 30 seconds while shaping it into whatever shape I want. The below image is of the first hearth loaf I made with my new machine. The entire ball of dough is placed on a floured baking sheet, and given an egg wash before going into the oven.
This size of a loaf takes about 45 minutes to bake. It came out of the oven perfect! Notice the little spikes at the top of the loaf. That was because I cut an x shape in the dough before baking. It looks kinda like a volcano. HA. The next loaf I made I decided to cut three parallel slices in the top of the dough and it looked more like the style of bread you would get from a bakery. Much less like a volcano. The below image is of the volcano inspired hearth loaf.
The bread tasted great, smelled wonderful and looked beautiful. Aside from the wait time while the dough was in the machine and of course the 45 minute bake time, my physical involvement was only about 10 minutes. I was able to go do other things while the dough was being created. Then it was just a few minutes to get the dough into the oven. I went and did other things again while it was baking. This is so easy. I love it and so does the family.
Thanks Sephie!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Christmas 2009
This Christmas we did the all of our traditional things.
For Christmas Eve we always have a light dinner of sandwiches. We had roast beef & provolone served on pumpernickel & rye bread with all the trimmings and accompanied by our favorite chips. Everyone has a different favorite flavor so we get one bag of each. After dinner we drive around to look at the neighborhood lights. Later in the evening everyone is allowed to open one gift and we usually watch a movie while sipping hot cocoa or eggnog. This year the weather prevented us from diving around but that's okay. Our neighborhood was well lite starting the 1st of December and we were able to enjoy seeing all the beautiful decorations every time we left the house.
Steve's parents were scheduled to travel up from their home, however the threat of bad weather made us all change our minds about traveling. For safety, we all decided that they shouldn't come up. We are going to spend a weekend with them this month to make up for it.
On Christmas day we all got the white Christmas we were looking for. It was a great day at our house. Steve and I enjoy sleeping in and lazily starting our day on holidays, well most days actually. Nana was able to keep Jacob occupied until 10am and then he just couldn't take it anymore. She let him come in and wake us up.
We finally made it down stairs and got ourselves a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Then we all gathered around the tree to open gifts. Since Jacob learned to walk we have been letting him hand out all the gifts. Every year he happily hands out all the gifts until there are none left under the tree. Once they are all stacked around each person then we are allowed to start opening them.
There are a few themes in our gift giving that have developed over the years.
Steve likes to collect Pepsi items. So of course this year he received more Pepsi glasses to add to his collection. Pepsi stuff is not as easy to find as Coke. You can't just go to the store and pick out what you want. You have to find it in thrift or antique stores and garage sales or estate sales. I found these three glasses at a thrift store several months ago and hid them. We have a tin plate with the same image as the woman on the center glass.
I love to be barefoot. When I have to wear shoes I wear flip flops. No matter what the weather is like outside, you can usually find me in flip flops or without shoes at all. I received three very fun pairs of flip flops. As soon as the snow melts I am positive that I will find a perfect outfit to wear each pair with.
Jacob is very much into Transformers right now. He loves them! So of course we made sure that he got the Scorponox Transformer that he has specifically been asking for. He was so excited when he opened it that he even gave a fist pump and a "Yessssss".
At some point all the gift bows decided to attack Jacob.
Nana needs to ... I mean enjoys relaxing, so Steve and I got her an electric massage chair. It is very cool and works really well. Steve and I both tested it at the store to make sure we ... I mean she would like it. I'm pretty sure that is actual joy on her face as she peeled back the paper. She has it set up downstairs and uses it often. She says it works great.
We all received a few other things and have been enjoying them.
After lunch we decided to go out and play in the snow. Of course we bundled up first. I just can't help myself, I think kids bundled up to go play in the snow are just cute ... so of course I have to take a picture.
Jake wasted no time and leapt from the porch into the snow.
Nana stayed inside and watched from the window.
When she did sneak out to see how deep the snow had gotten around her car she was attacked with snowballs. She barely made it back in the house before she was covered in snow. Jake has good aim!
Have you ever pointed a camera at someone while they were not looking then called their name and just as they turned to look at you, you take the picture. HA HA HA ... I love doing that to Steve. This is one of those pictures! It cracks me up every time.
This next set of pictures explain themselves. Can you follow the story they tell?
Snow angels and lots of other random snowy fun was had before we went back inside to get warm and have our traditional dinner.
This year we had a spiral cut ham and all the usual sides: mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes - some candied and some mashed, bread stuffing, green bean casserole, deviled eggs, cranberry sauce. I think that was it.
For dessert we had pecan pie, cheese cake and pumpkin pie. Holy Moley they were good this year.
The pecan pie was amazing. I have never had one that tasted better. The cheese cake was thick creamy and flawless and the pumpkin was just right for Jake. I would have preferred it a little sweeter, but Nana cut the sugar on purpose for Jake and I'm okay with that.
The rest of the evening we watched some tv, played some video games and just general did nothing, together. It was great!
Here the boys are playing the new Indiana Jones DS game that we got for Steve ... I mean Jake. Notice the game case placement. That was not staged by me, he totally did that one his own.
We had a great Christmas this year and we hope all of you did too!
For Christmas Eve we always have a light dinner of sandwiches. We had roast beef & provolone served on pumpernickel & rye bread with all the trimmings and accompanied by our favorite chips. Everyone has a different favorite flavor so we get one bag of each. After dinner we drive around to look at the neighborhood lights. Later in the evening everyone is allowed to open one gift and we usually watch a movie while sipping hot cocoa or eggnog. This year the weather prevented us from diving around but that's okay. Our neighborhood was well lite starting the 1st of December and we were able to enjoy seeing all the beautiful decorations every time we left the house.
Steve's parents were scheduled to travel up from their home, however the threat of bad weather made us all change our minds about traveling. For safety, we all decided that they shouldn't come up. We are going to spend a weekend with them this month to make up for it.
On Christmas day we all got the white Christmas we were looking for. It was a great day at our house. Steve and I enjoy sleeping in and lazily starting our day on holidays, well most days actually. Nana was able to keep Jacob occupied until 10am and then he just couldn't take it anymore. She let him come in and wake us up.
We finally made it down stairs and got ourselves a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Then we all gathered around the tree to open gifts. Since Jacob learned to walk we have been letting him hand out all the gifts. Every year he happily hands out all the gifts until there are none left under the tree. Once they are all stacked around each person then we are allowed to start opening them.
There are a few themes in our gift giving that have developed over the years.
Steve likes to collect Pepsi items. So of course this year he received more Pepsi glasses to add to his collection. Pepsi stuff is not as easy to find as Coke. You can't just go to the store and pick out what you want. You have to find it in thrift or antique stores and garage sales or estate sales. I found these three glasses at a thrift store several months ago and hid them. We have a tin plate with the same image as the woman on the center glass.
I love to be barefoot. When I have to wear shoes I wear flip flops. No matter what the weather is like outside, you can usually find me in flip flops or without shoes at all. I received three very fun pairs of flip flops. As soon as the snow melts I am positive that I will find a perfect outfit to wear each pair with.
Jacob is very much into Transformers right now. He loves them! So of course we made sure that he got the Scorponox Transformer that he has specifically been asking for. He was so excited when he opened it that he even gave a fist pump and a "Yessssss".
At some point all the gift bows decided to attack Jacob.
Nana needs to ... I mean enjoys relaxing, so Steve and I got her an electric massage chair. It is very cool and works really well. Steve and I both tested it at the store to make sure we ... I mean she would like it. I'm pretty sure that is actual joy on her face as she peeled back the paper. She has it set up downstairs and uses it often. She says it works great.
We all received a few other things and have been enjoying them.
After lunch we decided to go out and play in the snow. Of course we bundled up first. I just can't help myself, I think kids bundled up to go play in the snow are just cute ... so of course I have to take a picture.
Jake wasted no time and leapt from the porch into the snow.
Nana stayed inside and watched from the window.
When she did sneak out to see how deep the snow had gotten around her car she was attacked with snowballs. She barely made it back in the house before she was covered in snow. Jake has good aim!
Have you ever pointed a camera at someone while they were not looking then called their name and just as they turned to look at you, you take the picture. HA HA HA ... I love doing that to Steve. This is one of those pictures! It cracks me up every time.
This next set of pictures explain themselves. Can you follow the story they tell?
Snow angels and lots of other random snowy fun was had before we went back inside to get warm and have our traditional dinner.
This year we had a spiral cut ham and all the usual sides: mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes - some candied and some mashed, bread stuffing, green bean casserole, deviled eggs, cranberry sauce. I think that was it.
For dessert we had pecan pie, cheese cake and pumpkin pie. Holy Moley they were good this year.
The pecan pie was amazing. I have never had one that tasted better. The cheese cake was thick creamy and flawless and the pumpkin was just right for Jake. I would have preferred it a little sweeter, but Nana cut the sugar on purpose for Jake and I'm okay with that.
The rest of the evening we watched some tv, played some video games and just general did nothing, together. It was great!
Here the boys are playing the new Indiana Jones DS game that we got for Steve ... I mean Jake. Notice the game case placement. That was not staged by me, he totally did that one his own.
We had a great Christmas this year and we hope all of you did too!
Let it Snow
The first snow of the season Jake and I were cozy in our PJ's watching some Food Network when we realized what the weather was doing outside.
Then the snow melted and life went back to normal. We weren't sure if Missouri was going to get a white Christmas or not. As all of you know that was a silly worry this year. We did get a white Christmas and much more. It is still white outside and not showing any signs of melting any time soon.
Then the snow melted and life went back to normal. We weren't sure if Missouri was going to get a white Christmas or not. As all of you know that was a silly worry this year. We did get a white Christmas and much more. It is still white outside and not showing any signs of melting any time soon.
Steve's Table
I think I mentioned in a previous blog that I was able to find Steve a pool table and that we were going to set it up in the family room of the new house.
Just in case I forgot something, here is a recap of Steve's history with the pool table.
Steve had a pool table when we meet.
He loves to play pool.
We got married and moved to Kansas.
The pool table was dismantled and put into storage with the intent of being reassembled after we settled into a house.
We moved several more times.
The pool table did too and eventually got damaged beyond repair.
So, 12.5 years later and finally in a home with enough room for a pool table I was lucky enough to find an old friend from high school who was getting rid of one. Isn't Facebook great! Thanks Jason!
Well now Steve has a pool table again and is very happy about it. The felt needs to be replaced and the rails also, but the frame and the slate are in great condition. We are going to order new felt and new rails in a few months. I just have to work that expense into the budget.
Jake of course had to be in the middle of the whole process as we set the table up. I mean that literally as you can see below.
It took myself and 4 other men to move the large 4.5 by 7.5 foot solid piece of slate from our old house into the new house. Our friends Jared & Sephie helped us move the entire pool table out of Jason's garage with Jason's help as well. This thing took a lot of people to get set up. After getting all the pieces into the house our friend Dan came over to help Steve put the slate in place and get it leveled.
Steve was so patient as he waited the 8 days it took for the glue to set on the rails. The wood veneer was pulling up on several of the top edge pieces and we had to glue and then clamp each one. We only had one set of clamps large enough so we had to do one at a time and then wait 48 hours to do the next one.
Jacob was not as patient. The minute the slate was in place he had to try the table out. It just so happened that Steve already had a pool stick that is just the right length for Jake.
This is what Steve is saying to me in this picture: "Woman, why do you have the camera out. Do you really need a picture of this?" And my answer was "Man, Yes I do. What other woman do you know would give up her large family room with a fireplace in order to set up a pool table, hmmmm? You love me and you know it, so say cheese!"
We are all very happy to have the pool table. I don't even mind that there is a large green table in what is supposed to be the family room. We as a family enjoy playing together so it is perfect for us!
Just in case I forgot something, here is a recap of Steve's history with the pool table.
Steve had a pool table when we meet.
He loves to play pool.
We got married and moved to Kansas.
The pool table was dismantled and put into storage with the intent of being reassembled after we settled into a house.
We moved several more times.
The pool table did too and eventually got damaged beyond repair.
So, 12.5 years later and finally in a home with enough room for a pool table I was lucky enough to find an old friend from high school who was getting rid of one. Isn't Facebook great! Thanks Jason!
Well now Steve has a pool table again and is very happy about it. The felt needs to be replaced and the rails also, but the frame and the slate are in great condition. We are going to order new felt and new rails in a few months. I just have to work that expense into the budget.
Jake of course had to be in the middle of the whole process as we set the table up. I mean that literally as you can see below.
It took myself and 4 other men to move the large 4.5 by 7.5 foot solid piece of slate from our old house into the new house. Our friends Jared & Sephie helped us move the entire pool table out of Jason's garage with Jason's help as well. This thing took a lot of people to get set up. After getting all the pieces into the house our friend Dan came over to help Steve put the slate in place and get it leveled.
Steve was so patient as he waited the 8 days it took for the glue to set on the rails. The wood veneer was pulling up on several of the top edge pieces and we had to glue and then clamp each one. We only had one set of clamps large enough so we had to do one at a time and then wait 48 hours to do the next one.
Jacob was not as patient. The minute the slate was in place he had to try the table out. It just so happened that Steve already had a pool stick that is just the right length for Jake.
This is what Steve is saying to me in this picture: "Woman, why do you have the camera out. Do you really need a picture of this?" And my answer was "Man, Yes I do. What other woman do you know would give up her large family room with a fireplace in order to set up a pool table, hmmmm? You love me and you know it, so say cheese!"
We are all very happy to have the pool table. I don't even mind that there is a large green table in what is supposed to be the family room. We as a family enjoy playing together so it is perfect for us!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Crown Center Christmas
Almost every year my mom and I go to Crown Center at some point to look at all the Christmas decorations, we have been doing it since I was little.
Now of course we take Jake. He enjoys looking around and playing in the small Santa's play area. If it is not to cold outside we usually go over and play on the outdoor display that sits under the Mayor's Christmas Tree.
I of course took some photos this year!
The Mayor's Christmas Tree and the Dancing Fountain.
This is a close up of the decorations on the indoor tree. The tree is suspended from the ceiling and hangs through three floors of the building centered in the middle of a set of escalators. The placement allows you to view the tree up close as you ride up or down between floors. It is beautiful to see in person. I love that the designers of this tree took the time to decorate the underside of the tree.
The little wreath is one of many that cover all the pillars throughout the halls of shopping center. The huge wreath on the right is hung at the main Crown Center Entrance that faces the Mayor's Christmas Tree and the ice skating rink. I estimate that the wreath is about 12ft or more in diameter.
The sign says it all for this next set of images. There is a great gingerbread village display encased in glass. It is fun for the kids to watch the trains as they travel on their tracks through this edible city. (Although I have seen the same buildings for the past couple of years so they may not be as fresh as they look!)
Here is the North Pole ... Where is Santa? Maybe he is taking the train!
My house wouldn't stay standing long if it where built out of these materials ... I would eat it!If you have the time to go visit you should. It is a fun and free (as long as you don't eat or shop)!
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Christmas Lights!
We had a bit of an issue last week and I was not sure if we were even going to have lights this year. I was 1/3 of the way done stringing the icicle lights along the roof line, when I realized that even though I had checked them on the ground, now they are not working ... grrrr!
So, due to budget and lack of patients I decided to just focus on the front porch and a few shrubs.
I think it looks very nice. Simple but nice.
The interior of the house is getting finished this week so I will post pictures of that when it is all done.
We hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!
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