Going Without

It is day five without Pepsi or soda of any kind.

Day one was fine. No major reactions.
Day two was hard. I was a little cranky.
Day three almost killed me. I had a headache from the time I woke up until I went to bed and it lingered into Day four.
Day four was a little better, at least I was alive and I could function in the world.
Day five ... today ... so far so good. I am awake, alive and I seem to feel okay.

I have multiple reasons for wanting to cut soda out of my diet, but the main inspiration came during our recent family trip to Steve's Parents house. Steve's mother is like me and enjoys documenting everything with her camera. Which is why the camera was available while we were at Steve's sisters house visiting. After Steve's mom and I both had taken some pictures and played with the camera a bit Steve wanted a turn, I guess. He felt the need to take a few pictures of me sitting on the couch petting the dog.

Being a photographer I know that looking good in a photo is all about posture. When I take portraits I can make a large person look thin and a thin person look heavy ... so a photo is not always the best representation of that person. Anyway, after we got back to Steve's parents house and we were uploading the pictures I saw the images of me. OH MY who is that lump on the couch. I almost threw up on the computer. I wanted to delete the images but I was foolish and asked permission first. Steve's mother replied "Oh no, that's who you are right now." I know she meant it as ... "we love you the way you are" ... and "you can't hide yourself". However, that is not who I am ... well at least I don't feel like the colorless blob of smiling mass taking up the left THIRD (yeah I said it, 1/3 ) of the couch. I feel like it is just the fat suit that the real me walks around in.

I tend to be behind the camera so there are not a lot of candid photos of me ... which I prefer. I did not know that picture was being taken so I did not do anything to change my posture to a more flattering position. Well, HELLO REALITY CHECK! This is going to happen. People are going to be taking random photos of me. Just as I do the same to them. So if I don't want to look like a bad remake of "The Blob" then I need to lose the fat suit. And Steve's mother was right ... in a way ... this is who the world sees me as right now. No one can see the thin athletic super active me because I'm hidden.

I attempted a weight lose program about a year ago and did great the first month. After that I just trailed off and eventually stopped trying. I get bored easily with programs. I thought that the very large amount of money I had spent on the program would be enough of a motivator. I was wrong. I'm still not sure what is going to be strong enough to motivate me to make my weight lose goals a reality but I can't stop trying.

I am going to make small changes and be patient. Soda is my first fat habit to break. I have done it several times but I have always fallen off the wagon. I am going to sound cheesy here but I know I can do this. It sucks but I can do it. I will add other changes on a daily basis. For example using a little restraint when it comes to portion sizes. I have a bad habit of overindulgence. I am also going to increase my activity level. Sitting in front of the computer working all the time does not create positive physical results for my rear or mid section. My typing skills are improving and I can click a mouse at lighting speed! Woo Hoo :)

This is not going to happen overnight. I will still look the same tomorrow and probably next week and the week after. But in 6 months there will be a change and then in 12 months an even more dramatic change. So by next year when random un-posed pictures are taken of me and I look ridiculous at least I will be thin and ridiculous. I can handle that.